Why is Communicating in Relationships So Hard?

Communicating in relationships is so hard. It's hard because we're all different. As much as we wish we could, we can't read each other's minds. We don't know what another person is thinking or feeling unless they tell us. And when it comes to relationships, it's hard to know when to tell your partner something.

So the question I often get asked is, how do you communicate in a relationship? How do you talk about things? Or how do you tell someone what you want or need from them without hurting their feelings or pushing them away?

If you’ve ever struggled with having a conversation with your partner or your spouse, you don’t feel heard, you don’t feel validated, or you don’t know what to say. If you want to tell them the truth but you don’t want to hurt their feelings or you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Whatever it is that has to do with any difficulties with communication, this episode is for you. 

Key Highlights

[03:29] What people struggle with the most in a relationship

[03:50] What the Word of God says about communication

[09:17] Whatever you say, let it be beneficial to others

[11:10] Having uncomfortable conversations with your partner

[14:55] Being honest and truthful to your partner

[17:43] Have self-talk before approaching your partner

[20:44] Scheduling a conversation and why it’s important

[25:29] When is the right time to have a conversation?

[27:08] The goal for communication

[29:48] Taking a break and rescheduling a conversation.

Notable Quotes

• If anyone can control his tongue, it proves that he has perfect control over himself.
• Even though the winds are strong, so also the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage he can do.
• Men have trained or can train every kind of animal or bird that lives in every kind of reptile and fish. But no human being can train the tongue, it is always ready to pour out His daily poison. - (James 2:2-10).
•  It shouldn't be where on one hand, you're praising and thanking God. And then, on the other hand, you're cursing somebody out, it shouldn't be that way.
• Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs. That it may benefit those who listen. - (Ephesians 4:29)
• If you're not able to discuss it, if you don't feel comfortable sharing, if it doesn't feel like a safe space for you to share, those feelings don't go away. You begin to build resentment against your partner.
• Satan hates marriage. He hates unity. He hates relationships and families being healthy and whole, he hates it. So anything he can do to break that to cause division or separation, whatever he can do, he will do it.
• Even if it's uncomfortable, even if it's hard, even if it will cause confusion, or little rift between you and your partner, have the conversation.
• Be specific on whatever it is that you want to talk about. 
• The goal for communication should be to understand, not be right.

Resources

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