The Transformative Power of Self-Care: A Personal Journey

What's up, guys? Welcome to Demo with Moe. I'm your host, monique Simmons. We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young Christian's perspective. Are you guys ready? Let's dive in. Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Moe. I am your host, monique Simmons, and today I'm excited about this new episode. If you are listening to this live, it is officially the end of November. Today is November 30th and we are officially closing the month of November, and if you have been here this entire month with me, you know that for the whole month of November, I celebrate my birthday with a self-care challenge, and I have been doing this for a few years now. So we are officially closing this month out and officially closing out the birthday self-care challenge, and I thought this would be the perfect time and I've never done this before. This actually is going to be a first for me. So this is pretty exciting and I will let you guys know this. This is not usually what I do with my podcast episodes. I do a lot of research, I prepare in advance, I have my notes, I have my questions. If I'm interviewing someone, I'm just preparing in advance on the main points. I want to stay with the key points. I know exactly what I want to talk about, exactly where I want to stay with. I'll go off a little bit here and there, but I always have my main things that I want to come back to. I really want to stay with, but today is not going to be like that. What I really want to do is kind of let you guys know and take you along this journey with me of what I did this month. Leni, you know the things that I accomplish, no matter how small, how finite they may seem to you guys or how big they may seem to you guys. I just kind of want to take you along this self-care journey with me and this birthday challenge that I set up for myself each year, because that's how important self-care is for me and my life. And the only reason it's that important to me and you've probably heard me say this a thousand times over is because there was a time in my life where self-care was not important, where I put myself on a back burner, where I took care of everybody else, where I prioritized everyone else except Monique and y'all. I'm just getting started. I'm opening up this episode today and I'm already getting tears in my eyes and I don't even know why, but that's how important self-care is to me and taking care of my well-being and my approach to self-care is a holistic approach. So the things that you're going to hear me talk about, the things that you're going to hear me discuss, is not going to be all of the things that you probably hear or all of the things that you probably see on your social media platforms your Instagram, your TikToks, all of the curated and to getting your nails done and getting your hair done and lighting up the candles and soaking in the bathtubs. And don't get me wrong, you're going to hear a few of those things, because I love those things as well and I like to relax and then taking care of yourselves and all those things have their place as well. But I really love the holistic approach of taking care of your well-being from the inside out, because you really have to if this thing is going to be a lifestyle. It's not just something that you do here and there and only when you have time, because, let's be honest, how many of us have time or really make the time to really take care of ourselves the way we should? A lot of us don't, and that's the reason why you don't hear or see and for some of you who are listening to this, you probably roll your eyes when you hear me talk about self care or when you see my self-care post on Facebook and on. If you're following me or you are even in our private group on Facebook, plug there. If you're not following us or you're not a part of that group dating, engaged and married objectives I encourage you to join us over there. But we talk about self-care specifically on Sundays. We have self-care Sundays. But some of you guys may roll your eyes when you see those posts Because, don't get me wrong, I've been there. I've been there. I've been there. I've been there. And that's what started these whole birthday challenges for me, where I started these accountability posts, where I shared what I did every day for myself for the whole month of November, because that was a part of me holding myself accountable. It wasn't just to bring people into my life and show them what I did for myself, like it was some badge of honor or some brag of what I was doing for myself. No, it was for me to hold me accountable. Monique, take care of yourself. You got to take care of yourself. You burned that out. You're going to lose your mind. Your health is going. God is so awesome how he created us, because if you don't take care of you, your body will tell you If you don't make the time to rest, to rejuvenate, to take out the time that you need to take, if you don't take off work, if you don't use your PTO, if you don't take a break here and then, if you don't rest, if you don't do the things that you need to do, your body will shut down. Your body will physically do it for you, whether you choose it or not. So the point of you doing the self-care and trying to take care of yourself and make sure your well-being is good is so you don't have to go through all of those things. We really have to start taking care of ourselves. And the whole point of the self-care challenge and the birthday challenge that I do for the whole month of November it all started some years ago. It is for me to hold myself accountable, to begin to take care of myself and my well-being, and it became a lifestyle. It started off with a month and it became a lifestyle. So I don't only do this in November, because what would one month do for me out of a whole year? I would still be burnt out, but I had to start somewhere, and the same thing for you. We have to start somewhere. So it started off for me for my birthday month to celebrate my birthday, because I had to begin somewhere. And then it became a lifestyle. So now it's a daily thing for me. I found some pocket of time, whatever that looks like for me. I find some pocket of time to do something for myself, to take care of me, to remember me, whatever that looks like for me, and I hope, me doing it for myself. It encourages you to do the same thing for you. So this is what this episode is about today. I hope I have caught your attention. I hope something stands out to you, I hope it has grabbed you in these first few minutes and you want to stay alone for this journey and hear the things that I've done. So that's what we're going to be talking about today. So, on this 30-day self-care birthday challenge, that's what we're going to be discussing today all of the things that I've done throughout the month. So day one, november 1st, we kicked off the month. I turned 35 this year, which is huge. I still can't believe that I'm officially 35. So on day one I don't know why, but every year around November I guess it's just that time of the year but I always end up getting sick around my birthday. It just would out feel like clockwork. I always get sick. So I had been sick the week prior to starting off kicking off this self-care challenge. So day one was officially the first day of November. I had just started feeling better. I went and grabbed dinner and coffee and I did a podcast interview with a close girlfriend of mine to kick off the Journey of Love series. And their podcast interview went wonderful and it was just even though I was doing an interview. It was nice to talk to my girlfriend Like I knew I was doing an interview. But sometimes when you're in a podcast interview and you're really enjoying the interview, you forget that you're doing an interview. And that's how it was talking to my girlfriend, because we were talking about life and losses and because her husband passed a few years ago due to COVID and just walking through that and our friendship and the things that she had gone through, and it just, even though it was such a heavy topic, it was just good to have that conversation with her and it just did something for my soul. It just did something for my soul and for that to be the way to kick off that first day of the self-care challenge. It was really good for me Again, even though it was such a heavy topic. I needed that and I didn't even know I needed that. I needed that conversation with her and she needed that conversation as well. So it was a really good way to kick off that birthday challenge and that self-care challenge for the month of November. Also, that day I scheduled a session to see my therapist. That day when I scheduled it I hadn't realized because I always go back and look at my calendar of when the last time I saw my therapist because I have my individual therapist who I see. I also have my husband and I's couple therapists who we see. I scheduled a session to see my individual therapist and I went back and looked at my calendar. I didn't realize it had been over a month since I saw my individual therapist and I tried to see her at least twice a month. That is always my goal. I could tell by some of the things I was feeling that it had been that long, but I didn't realize that I had let the time slip by and it had been that long. So I felt really good to get that session on the books with her. I can feel really good. So that day was a good day. That day was a good day because I had been sick and to, finally, because I had been in the house for days because I had been sick. So to get out the house to get dressed up, to put clothes on and make up on and to look and feel like somebody and to have that interview with my girlfriend and really talk with her and really be able to talk with her, like to really talk, and to also get that session scheduled with my therapist, it was a good day for me. I felt really accomplished that day, like it was a good day. Ok, day two, y'all I got my hair appointment scheduled. So usually around November I always get braids, like that's just, it's just. I usually get braids or a crocheted or something like that and for my listeners who may not know what crocheted is, it's like you get your hair braided down and then you get some hair added in. I really can't explain it better than that. I'm not good with the hair. That's not my thing. Google, google crocheted hair. Just Google that, google that, so you can see what it is, what the process is. But I always get this because I always vacation around the time, because I always take trips for my birthday. That's just a whole whole process. That's the whole thing. That's just my tradition I love if you guys have been listening to me for a while, you know that I love to travel. So around my birthday I do a lot of traveling and I don't know how to do hair, so I don't ever want to have to worry about my hair, like that's something that need to be, not on anything that I need to worry about at all. So I always get braids around this time. So on day two I scheduled my hair appointment to get my hair braided. I also tried on some clothes that I had ordered for vacation, that I had coming up and what I usually do and the reason that this is self care for me because some of y'all may be listening to this and dirty saying no dog on self care, but for me it is because I don't like trying on clothes. What I would usually do is wait to the very last minute to try on clothes and then nothing fits or it doesn't fit the way I want it. And then I'm disappointed and I'm upset and now I'm trying to find stuff at the last minute. And then I'm mad that I can't find anything and now I'm in a bad mood because now my trip or my vacation is coming up and I don't have anything to wear and it just throws everything off. And now it's a big deal, when it didn't have to be a big deal, because I could have been proactive and prepared ahead of time, because you knew this trip was coming up and why you wait to the last minute and these clothes have been here for weeks and why didn't you try them on. It's a whole thing when it doesn't have to be a whole thing. That's a whole word, right there y'all, but definitely the here nor there. So I tried on my clothes in advance and it turns out everything fit the way I wanted it to fit, so I didn't have any issues with it. So you know I feel really good about that. And I also ordered luggage that we were going to be needing for our upcoming trip, because the way we were going to be traveling, we were not doing checked bags, we were just going to be doing our carry on bags, so we didn't have the luggage that we needed. So I ordered the luggage that we needed. Again, I was being proactive. I wanted to make sure everything was going to be here in time so we didn't have to worry about any last minute issues. I just was trying to do everything in advance. I didn't want any problems because I wanted everything to be smooth for our upcoming trip for my birthday. Ok, so day two day two was a good day. It was a good day. Now, day three. Now here we go, getting into the things you usually would see, you know, on social media, when people talk about self care, like if you get on TikTok type in self care, these are the type of videos you will be seeing coming down your algorithm and down, you know, down your timeline. So day three I went and got my nails done. I had a pedicure, and when I go get my nails done and I really I don't get pedicures as often as most people, I want to speak for everyone, but as often as the people that I know who get pedicures do. But usually when my birthday I'm going to always get a pedicure. It's just something that I like to do for myself, but I do get my nails done. So I went and got my nails done and got a pedicure, and it's always an experience when I go, because I love my new tick. I have been going to her for years and it's just it's appointment only, so it's usually just she and I when I go. It may be one person getting ready to leave when I get there or maybe coming in before I leave, but it's usually just she and I, so we really get to talk. So it's always an experience, you know. So I love it. It's a great time Also that day Now this is. I always look forward to this and this is something that doesn't cost you money. This is something that I do pretty often, at least a few times out of the month, and this may not be your thing, you know, but this is my thing and I do it often and it's one of my favorite favorite things to do for self care. Again, don't judge me because this may not be your thing. One of the things that I did for my self care on day three I get on the interstate, I let my son roof back and if you don't have a sunroof, you can let your windows down or you can leave your windows up. You know, whatever, whatever your thing is, I get on the interstate, I let my son roof back, I turn my music all the way up. I'm talking about all the way I turn the value. I'm sorry, I'm getting real excited right now because, again, this is one of my. This is like my top five, self care, top top five. It's really high for me because I'm I'm a simple, I'm a simple girl. Again, this don't cost you no money. It's up a little gaze, depending on how long you want to write. But I turn my value all the way up and I put on one of my favorite playlists. I have a playlist called mom boss. Ok, so I turn my playlist up and I just drive. I hit the interstate and I just drive. I don't have a destination, I don't have anywhere specific I'm going, but I turn the value my way up with my mom boss playlist and I just ride and I dance. Yeah, I dance, I dance. You would think I'm on, I'm in a soul train line. I don't know. I don't know. You would think I have a whole audience. I don't care, I'm passing by people. I've had people blow at me, not like in a like rude way, but like blowing me, like you know, like I see you, girl, you know that's what I feel. Like they may be be rude, I don't know, but I just feel like they like, girl, I see you, like you know, like they room me on, but I be dancing and I have a good time. It just made me feel good. But also I love driving, I love being on the open road, I love road trips. So again, that may not be your thing, because those things may not, it may not make you happy, it may not make you feel good, but all of those things, I love music, I love dancing, I love open road, I love fresh air, I love driving, like all of those things made me happy. So to put all of those things together and to do them all, it just brings me so much happiness. Like I do those things, what I just explained to y'all, I do that at least a few times a month, like it just makes me so happy. But I usually do it by myself, but sometimes my husband will be in the car with me and I think that day when I did it he was in the car with me, but it doesn't bother him. He usually will go to sleep or just lay his head down or something. He just don't pay me no mind because I've been doing it so long. Everybody knows me, my kids know me when we go on a road trip. I'm going to do it every time. Whenever we go on a road trip, don't bother mama. Like her mute, especially I'm driving, she's choosing the music. Everybody else going to put their own music on, so don't bother me. Like that is my thing. Like you want to make me happy, you want to do something for me. Turn the music up, let the sunroof back or the windows down and just let me dance. Just it's y'all. It makes me so happy. I can't even explain to you what it does to me, my girlfriends and I and this is getting all off the self care, y'all it's not, but it's getting off the 30 days of self care. But my girlfriends and I took a girls trip to Houston this summer and one of my girlfriends was driving and I was in the backseat, which is so much fun to me because I never get to ride in the backseat of a car, so it was just so much fun. But they were playing like old music that I loved, that we used to grow up on, and she turned it a real loud and we was riding in the car and we were on the interstate like literally what I'm explaining to y'all, that I love to do, and we had so much for another. One of my girlfriends was sitting beside me, who loves to dance, just like me, and she and I would just dance it and sing it, and it was just y'all. It made me so happy, it just made me so happy. Indeed, oh, my goodness. Okay, yeah, let's go to the next day, because I could just talk about that, because now I just I want to go do it right now, like I want to jump in the car and go do it right now. Okay, if you've never done it, if you think it's not your thing, don't knock it till you try. If you've never done it, try it just once. And if you shy and you worried about what other people think, don't worry about them. Just try it at least one time. Okay, day four, oh. So day four, I finally went and got my hair braided, because I told y'all that the previous days I scaled my hair appointment. So, day four, I actually went and got my hair braided and my sister-in-law, my husband's wife I mean, lord, I am my husband's wife, my husband's sister. She braids my hair. She is a hairstylist and braider and she is the one who braids my hair. So I went and she braided my hair and I also tried a new hair color mix. I was so excited about this. I definitely had to mention it. I had saw it on TikTok like months prior and I had saved it because my hair is blonde and it was like three different colors mixed and you guys, the color came out absolutely beautiful. Like I'm just, I'm in love with the color. I'm still in love with the color and I wanted to try it and I did it. I did it, but I'm not I'm never afraid to try color in my hair, like I've never, but I just a little blunt, but I've never been afraid to try color in my hair. So that was one of the things that I did for my self-care day, like trying a new color in my hair that I wanted to try. That was dope I also. Yeah, this was the highlight for me. This was the highlight for me. I went to a Friendsgiving. I'm actually in a group on Facebook and it's a group for women in Mississippi. But one of my girlfriends run a group, created the group and it's a group for women in Mississippi and it's for you to meet other women who are here locally and they we had a Friendsgiving and it was the highlight of my day and I ended up being late for the Friendsgiving. I won't even get all into that because I was picking up a pizza and it was just a whole mess up there. That pizza place it was. Y'all was a whole mess, but I won't even get into that. That's me to hear, nor there. But it was an amazing night and y'all okay. At this Friendsgiving we were playing games and one of the questions was what are you thankful for? And it got to me. I think I may have been the last person to answer, I think I was and it got to me and I'm getting emotional right now. Okay, okay, okay. But it got to me and I'm not even going to all of these things with everything I said, but it got to me and I said that I am thankful for this moment right now because it was a group of beautiful black women and we were having such a great time and I really, really needed that. And I began to explain to them why I was thankful for them in that moment and for that time with them. Because, because all of my girlfriends have moved away and I was explaining it to them, except one from you know, you guys have heard me mention group chat, which is my very close circle of girlfriends. Like, you guys have heard me talk about the group chat. You guys have heard the group chat come on the podcast and everybody has moved away except one girlfriend and we all still talking, week talk at least a few times out the week throughout the week. Like, we all still talking. We're all still pretty close, but it's not the same as them physically being here and I was explaining this to them. And I really don't I really don't open up to anyone about this. If I'm being perfectly honest, I don't talk about, I don't talk about how them not being here has impacted me and, if I'm being honest, I didn't really realize how them not being here impacted me because I've been so busy going with life, always doing, constantly doing something, and not like busy with like overwhelmed busy, but I haven't taken the time to really sit with that because I have so many other things going on that I haven't really taken the time to just sit with that and grieve the fact that my friends aren't here anymore physically. So when I said it I began to weep like the tears begin to fall from my eyes and it was just nice to say it out loud because it wasn't real until I said it out loud. So it was. It was a beautiful moment for me and those who know me, know me, know how hard that would be for me to say out loud I don't say stuff like that out loud or it's really hard for me to share stuff like that, to let people in and that kind of way, because that's vulnerability, you know. But I'm learning that through therapy that it's okay to let people in like that, to be vulnerable in that way, and it felt really good. And later after that, two of the women from their friends, getting one who I've been really close to, reached out. One of them reached out and said I heard you, you shared your heart and I heard you and that meant everything to me. That meant everything to me. And another young lady has checked in on me multiple times since that conversation. So that night was a beautiful, beautiful day for me. So that day, day four, at that friend's giving was a beautiful day for me. And after that friend's giving I came back home and met my husband and we ended up going out on a date night with two other couples and they played pool. And I say day because I don't know how to play pool, I just watched and supported from the background. They played pool. I dance. I told you I love to dance and I love music. If I'm ever anywhere and the music drops, monique is going to dance, I don't care where I am, I don't care how old I'm going to be 90. If the Lord allows me to see 90 years old and there's some music playing, I'm a bus or two step and I danced, I sang and I had a good old time. I had a good old time. So for day four, that was my social self care. So yeah, there are different forms of self care. If you guys are not aware, I encourage you to Google that and look that up. There are different forms of self care physical self care, social self care, spiritual self care, work self care, space self care. There are so many different forms of self care. But day four was my social self care. I really got to connect with people that I love and care about, and that was really important to me. That was one of the things that I had been desiring and, as I told you, I had been sick, so I had been in the house for a while and I worked from home. So I spent a lot of time at home and I'm an extrovert, so it really charges my battery to connect with people, especially connecting with people that I really care about and I really love. So day four y'all yes, it was what I needed, all right. Day five my husband and my children took me out for early birthday dinner. So this was on a Sunday and in the middle of the week a couple of days later which I'll get into in a moment we're going out of town for my birthday. So they ended up taking me out for early birthday dinner and we had a great time. We went to this restaurant, which I love. I go to all things to work on the podcast. I usually go to a few times a month and the food was good. This was good and we had a great time and I enjoyed my husband and kids and y'all. We took a family picture Any parents out there, I know y'all feel me, but it took me like 50 pictures to get one good picture and it still was not like the perfect picture, but I think that's what makes it perfect. Y'all understand what I mean. It was real, it was life. It's like what a real family picture is Like. Those perfect pictures is not what your real family is like and I think that's what makes it real. Yeah, so day five was a good day. Day six, I felt on the Monday. Mondays are my day, where I record podcasts, do interviews, edit the podcast, anything dealing with the podcast. That's what I do on Mondays and it's also my self-care day. So whatever I decide to do, so usually when I record the podcast and then I go out for dinner or whatever I decide to do, sometimes I may order takeout and eat in the car or whatever I decide to do is just my self-care day to decide to do whatever I want to do. But right now we are in basketball season for my daughter, my oldest daughter, who plays basketball, oh, and she's having such a great season, she's doing such a great job. So sometimes, most weeks, her game falls on Mondays, and so this day six, which fell on Monday, my daughter had a game. So instead of me trying to stretch myself in because I had a podcast interview which was scheduled before I knew about her game, instead of me trying to stretch myself in, which I'm going to be perfectly honest with y'all in the past, I would have done Yep, I would have done it before these self-care challenges, before I started learning how to take care of myself and my well-being. I would have stretched myself. Then I would have just did it all. I wouldn't have cared about taking care of myself, I would have. I'm just going to be honest with y'all. That's where these self-care challenges came from. I would have went to her game, I would have done the interview, I would have made dinner for the family. I would have stayed up all night. It didn't mean the podcast. I would have made it all work. I would have maybe got a few hours of sleep and figured it out. That's what I would have done. But instead of doing that, because I'm on this self-care challenge and I'm taking care of my well-being, I rescheduled the podcast interview, something I would have never done in the past Rescheduling who does that? I rescheduled the podcast interview for another day where my daughter did not have a game. I went to my daughter's game to support her and I didn't make myself do all of these things and stretch myself then, because you don't have to do that. You can choose your well-being. You can choose to take care of yourself in that self-care. And what I ended up doing because it was still my self-care day that didn't change. It was still Monday. So after her game I ended up bringing everybody back home and I left when I ended up going out to Chili's and ordering takeout. And I came back home in the driveway, sat in my car, ate my takeout and watched TV on my phone and just enjoyed that quiet time by myself with my food, without a toddler asking me for some, and enjoyed that time alone by myself and came on in the house when I got done and it was a good day. It was a good day. It was a good day. Day seven I went and got a wax on my lunch break. Shout out to my wax lady. We have a good time whenever I go for my wax. Yeah, let me say this I am not a fan of small talk at all. I don't like small talk If we're going to talk and don't get me wrong I love to talk, but if we're going to talk, I want to talk. Like let's talk for real. I don't like small talk, I just don't. But with me and my wax lady, get together I don't know what it is about her we can talk about whatever. Like we literally can talk about whatever. I just we have a good time. So I went to get my wax done on my lunch break and then when I clocked out for work that day I was on vacation. I officially went on vacation. So oh yeah, and I also went and voted. Day seven was voting day, so I went to go vote. I hope you guys went and voted too. November seven I hope you went and voted. It's a little late now, it's November 29th, but I hope you exercised your right to vote. And I also got my interview done. You know that podcast interview that I told you that I had to reschedule. I got my podcast interview done. So day seven day seven was a great day. Day eight do you guys know what day eight was? Day eight was my 35th birthday. Happy birthday to me. Day eight my daughter, my three year old, my toddler she had been home sick, so I didn't tell you guys that before on the previous days but she had been home sick Okay, I don't know what it was. November had been a rough month for us in the Simmons household. It was just like we was sick and it was just passing through our house. I'm just happy to be done with it, that's all I'm saying. Thank God, we are done with it. But day eight and I thank God for this because he allowed me to have my birthday to myself and not with my toddler, lord, and I love my baby girl. But it was rough, I told y'all I worked from home. Working from home with a three year old sick baby. It was rough, y'all. It was rough but I made it. But day eight I was my baby officially felt better, so I was able to drop her off at daycare. I got the house clean. The lady that cleans our home. She came that day. Whew, ain't nothing like a clean home baby. Y'all remember how I explained to y'all how it makes me happy doing that drive for myself. Care, with the music turned up. That's how I feel about when I get my house clean. Okay, okay, okay, yes, okay. I also took myself out for lunch, y'all. I remember there was a time in my life I would have never went out and took myself out to eat and said by myself, where people would be watching me eat and just be by myself, I would have never years to go. Now I take myself out all the time Like I will get up and go by myself and I mean I don't need nobody to go with me, I want to go eat. Ain't got nobody to go with me, no problem, no problem. So I took myself out for lunch. I went to this new restaurant that I had heard people talking about. I sat at the bar. The food was great, the service was great, Just had a good old time. I listened to one of my favorite podcasts while I was there no issues had a great time I also, after I had lunch, I went to nothing but cakes, picked up my free birthday booklet. I talked to some people because, you know, for your birthday people usually reach out to you, take shoes, call you, et cetera, for your birthday. But some people I hadn't talked to I was to be honest. I was not expecting a call, a text from or to hear from them. But I did and I was thoroughly surprised and it was some people that I really wanted to hear from, but I was not expecting to hear from. I'm not saying this in a way like why would they reach out to me? I'm saying this in a way of I would have loved to hear from them. I just want to expect to hear from them, because I haven't talked to them, but I heard from some people that I was not expecting to hear from. That. I was really glad and I was really surprised to hear from them. So that felt really good. It felt really good. So day eight, I can say it was an amazing day. I had a really good birthday. I did. I got a lot of stuff that I wanted for my birthday and my son can't remind me you didn't ask for anything for your birthday. I did not ask for anything for my birthday this year. I did. I did my husband. What he did was he went, which is smart. You guys should do this. He went on my Amazon account and got things that I had in my Amazon cart for my podcast, which I thought was really dope. I'm actually, as I'm recording this, I'm using my new mic that I had in my Amazon cart and that mic has been in my cart for almost a year now. So I thought that was pretty dope, but he got me a lot of the things that I had in my Amazon cart which I thought was pretty, pretty freaking dope, pretty freaking dope. So day nine y'all, your girl went to Miami. I mean, if you guys heard the interview my husband and I did a few weeks back, we talked about this trip a little bit. Well, I talked about this trip a little bit when I opened the podcast episode, but my husband took me to Miami for my birthday. So one of the things for my self care, I took a nap on the plane ride there. Yeah, I never sleep on plane rides, but the fight was so comfortable that I fell asleep on the flight there. And also my husband ended up taking me to a birthday dinner at this restaurant called the moon. If you're ever in Miami, I highly recommend, especially if you are celebrating something birthday, anniversary, graduation, any celebration cause. The restaurant is a little pricey, I will say that, but, as my husband say, everything is expensive in Miami. But I highly recommend you try the moon. I had an amazing time. So I will say this part of my thing that I wanted to do for my self-care is knocking some things off my bucket list. This was one of my goals when I started the self care challenge. I wanted to knock some things off my bucket list. I wanted to face some of my fears. That was part of what I wanted to do. That was just my own personal thing that I wanted to do for my self care challenge this year. I wanted to face my fears, some of my fears, and I wanted to knock some of the things off of my bucket list. And I will say that I did that, especially when we were in Miami. So at the moon, when we first walked in, they have this, which I knew before we got there, but I also knew it was optional. They have this show that they do and part of the show at the end they have it where all the people that celebrate their birthdays can come up on stage. But again, it's optional. But when we walked into the restaurant, I was maybe like one or two of the first birthday people to get there and the young lady at the door was talking to my husband. Well, she was talking to me first and my husband kind of jumped in. She was like you're here celebrating your birthday, I know you're gonna come on stage with me tonight and my husband interceded and I was like yes, she is. So I was like no, I'm not. And then he says I thought you were facing your fears and y'all I couldn't say a word because that was part of the self-care challenge, that was part of me doing this. I am facing my fears. He was totally right. What could I say to that Cause I am facing my fears. So this whole time I'm sitting in the restaurant I'm nervous. As it gets closer to time it's more people walking to the restaurant, cause y'all, a lot of people do not know this about me. People that know me act like they don't know this about me. I am shy, like if I may not come across that way, but I am shy when it comes to being. I don't like being the center of attention Like I can be if it's gonna be a group, I don't even know how to explain it. I don't like the attention being on me. Let me just say that I don't like that. I just I don't like it. I don't like it at all. So it's a close to it. Got to the time, the more nervous that I got, but I faced my fears. I went on the stage. I did not let my fears stop me. I learned to dance that they taught us. I did the dance. I feel good about it. I did not let the fears stop me. I faced the fears, I conquered the fears, I did it and I didn't die. So day nine was a good day. Day nine was a good day. Day 10, we're still in Miami. I slept in. I do not usually sleep in, so that was definitely self-care for me. When I'm home, my body always wakes up early. Even when I don't wanna wake up early, I wake up early. I ended up going on a speedboat ride, again, conquering and facing my fears. Y'all, I'm afraid of water. Like that is one of my biggest, biggest fears. Like I love the view of water, I love the sound of water, I love being near water, but getting in and on water it just freaks me out. So I went on a speedboat ride. They were flying Like this boat was going so down on fast. The water was like hitting us. My husband was even scared on this ride, but y'all, I just I don't even know what came over me, but I wasn't scared at all. I lifted my hands up in the air. I just enjoyed that ride and had an amazing time. I also went. We went to the beach and I wore a two-piece I don't really like. I don't know it's just. How do I explain this? Usually, when I wear a two-piece to the beach, I like to be covered up, like I like to wear a cover-up, and it's not Because I don't like, it's not because I'm trying to be modest. That's what I'm trying to say, because I don't have a problem with modesty. It's not because I'm trying to be modest, but it's me being self-conscious about my body or certain parts of my body, because I feel like I'm not sometimes I'm not two-piece ready, but I didn't worry about that. I didn't worry about that. I wore my two-piece and I didn't think about that, how I was looking or being self-conscious, like I just was free and I felt free and I felt good and I enjoyed that. I enjoyed being on the beach with my husband and I enjoyed being in my two-piece and I enjoyed. I felt like I looked good and didn't care what people thought or I didn't even care If I didn't even feel like. I didn't even feel like nobody was looking at me. If they make sense, I hope they make sense. But day 10 was a good day, day 11. This is another one of those adventurous things that I had been wanting to do for years. We always talk about it but didn't do it. Day 11, we ended up going ATV riding and usually if I'm going to do something like that, you know I'm going to be careful and don't hit the holes and don't hit the mud and all of that jazz Y'all. I was out there flying and I'm talking about I was safe. Now, so if you guys, on the other hand, on the end, I don't want you to be like I was out there wild and but I was safe, but I was. Whenever there was mud, I would fly through the mud so I could get filthy. You know, I was just. I wanted all of the experience, like I had. Oh, my goodness, that was the highlight of my day. I had so much dog on fun. One of the ladies ended up flipping off hers and she was driving really slow. They ended up having to move her to the back of the line because she she couldn't keep up like she was slowing everybody else down because she was in the front. But I had an amazing time. Oh, my goodness, I had an amazing time. Day 12, I took another nap on the plane, y'all. I don't know what it was about that dog on flight, but I slept the whole time, like from the time I got home to the time we were almost back home. We're almost back to New Orleans because we flew to New Orleans, but I slept there whole time. And also, new Orleans is, for those of you who may not know, but those of you who were rocking with me for a while, you know this New Orleans is my favorite city. So we ended up standing in New Orleans for a little while and we got breakfast and we got been. Yes, and it was just, it was just good for me. It was just good for me Also, something that I did, that I was being proactive about. I made sure, again, the house was clean before we left and I bought groceries before we left, so I did not have to worry about that. And another thing when we got back home, I had hot dogs for dinner. Y'all, that was my dinner. And this, I told you I was different forms of self care. This is financial self care because, again I told you, my husband said Miami was expensive. So you know, I went from eating lamb chops in Miami to hot dogs in Mississippi because you know you got to save them coins. You got to save them coins, y'all. You got to have some balance in your life. You can be you know can be out here wilding in these streets Okay, day 13. Okay, day 13. You guys know that I told you Monday is my self care day, but my daughter ended up having a game that Monday. So what I did was rescheduled my self care day because I was still feeling refreshed from my trip because we had just got back that night prior. So I ended up rescheduling my self care day to another day and I went to my daughter's game and I also got a fitness watch for my birthday. So I got my fitness watch set up that day, because that is one of my physical self care goals is wanted because I worked from home. I'm not able to get my steps in like I used to. So that's one of those things I want to hold myself accountable for is making sure throughout the day, even though I work from home, I want to get my steps in. So I got my fitness watch set up so I can make sure I get my steps in each day. So that was day 13. Day 14. I finalized my plans to celebrate my birthday with my girlfriend, who was who's going to be visiting that coming up weekend. And this girlfriend is one of my best friends who lives out of state. I told you, guys that my all my closest girlfriends is to one had moved away, but this girlfriend was going to be visiting that coming up weekend. So we have finalized plans to get together because she was taking me out to celebrate my birthday. So, y'all, we're going to get into that a little bit later. But I was really freaking excited that day because we were going to be going to one of our favorite spots that we used to go to all the time before she moved away. But again, we're going to get into that a little later. And also, this day I was in bed by eight o'clock. Y'all, I don't know what it is, but once I hit 30, and especially as I got older, like every year after that, I like to go to bed early. I don't know what it is, but, y'all, if you, if I'm in bed by eight, it's a good day. It is a good day, day 15. This was the day I interview my husband on the podcast and we took a walk down memory lane talking about all the ways we have came along on our journey and I hope you guys listen to that podcast episode because that was a great one for me, remembering all of the, all of the things that we went through and the things that have got us to where we are now. If you have not, go back and listen to that episode Day 16. I went and saw my therapist Y'all my therapist that I hadn't seen in over a month. I told y'all yeah, I went ahead a session with her on day 16 and it was needed. It was really. It was really really needed. It felt so good and packing some things with her Y'all. It was such a great session. I love my therapist. I really do. Like it was a really good session and we talked about so much. I don't understand how we get so much in an hour, but we really do. I guess because you don't have somebody. Like when you're talking to other people, it's so much back and forth like they got a response for everything, but with my therapist, she just actually listens to me, like I'm able to be heard, and she responds when she needs to, so I'm able to get so much out and we're able to discuss so much more. And also I talked to a girlfriend and scheduled a date for us to go do one of my bucket list goals, day 17. The power company in our neighborhood was working on a pole and the power went out. I told you all. I worked from home with no power. How are you going to work? The power ended up going out in the whole neighborhood, which actually ended up being a good thing for me, because I didn't mention this, but two days prior to this, I could not sleep good. I had this cough, I told you all for the whole month of November. I don't know why, but illness was all throughout our home. We get better. We would get sick again. We would get better. We would get sick again. But I had a cough for two days which I can say now, ended up being. I saw a doctor, ended up being down on bronchitis and I had a down on ear infection. I didn't know this at the time, but I ended up finding out a few days later when I saw my doctor. But I could not sleep because the cough killed me. Up online, y'all, I will fall asleep. I will wake up coughing like coughing. So, dog on bed. It was so bad job, but you know the fitness watch I told you about it keeps up with my sleep as well. So, yeah, I was getting like three, four hours of sleep. Every time I checked my watch it was telling me how much I was getting to sleep. So, with the pole being out, I was like the internet was down. I could not work because we don't have any power. I was tempted to go do some laundry. I'm like no girl, you need to go to sleep, go to sleep. So I ended up going to sleep and got a few hours of sleep. So, y'all that sleep did me well. I feel really good. So that was my self care for that day, day 18. Okay, day 18 was a really good day for me. So my best friend came into town. She and I and my goddaughter went out to lunch. We went to a Mexican restaurant again one of my favorite Mexican restaurants that we used to go to all the time when she lived here, and y'all, we sit at the table I know at least three to four hours and just sit and talk about everything, and this is something we used to do all the time. You know, something is like something you do so much you take for granted and not to say I took her for granted, because definitely never took her for granted. But the things you do that you think are so common and normal because you always do it with each other, I just it was just normal to me, but we haven't done it because she hadn't been here. So when she came and it was like old times again it was. It was like I needed it so much, like every time we would be about to stop talking, we would start all over again, and my goddaughter was like ready to go. Like every like, after like two hours she was like, okay, y'all, enough, enough of this. But we couldn't stop, like we could not stop. We could not stop. But after almost over three hours we finally like, okay, it's time for her to go. I know, I know she's ready to go, but yeah, it was. It filled my cup, that's the best way to put it. It filled my cup. Also, this day is when I saw the doctor and found out that I had bronchitis and a dog on ear infection, y'all, and I finally feel better after I got on the meds that I needed to be on and I have not been sick since. So, thank God for doctors, a medication, okay, day 19. So I told you guys, a couple of days prior I went to see my therapist. So, with therapy stuff, just don't end there, it don't even just begin there. Even before you get to your therapy session, you're trying to process what it is you want to talk about. What is it that you even want to share with your therapy? Do you want to share that? Do you want to deal with it Once you get there? The things that you share, the things you talk about, the things you want to pay Now if they give you homework, or the things you need to talk about if you need to talk about something with your partner or your children or your family, or deal with yourself, or if you come to grips with what you talked about. If you believe what you talked about, it is just so much more than just what you discussed in that session. Well, now it's Sunday, so day 19 is Sunday, so we are having, we're at church and now all type of emotions are coming up and thoughts in my mind and questions and all of the things that I discussed with my therapist, and I'm trying to work through all of that as well as going through church service and things that's just going on in my mind. If I'm just honest, just trying to deal with all of that and then outside noise and stuff that's going on in relationships, it's just. Day 19 was a lot. Day 19 was a lot. It was just a lot and I just began to encourage myself. That's what myself care was on day 19, just encouraging myself of how far did I've come, and not to go back and not to turn back into who I used to be and my way I used to deal with things and the way I used to respond, no matter what other people are doing, no matter the way other people are responding and what they're saying, and just to keep going and be who God has called me to be, just to drown out the noise and keep doing what I know I'm supposed to be doing. So day 19 was me encouraging myself. Day 20. Day 20. I ended up working late because we were closing early later that week for Thanksgiving at work and we had the option we could either work late earlier that week to make up the time that we were going to have to miss on Friday because we were closing early, or we could use our PTO hours. I was not using my PTO hours for that. I wanted to be able to use my PTO hours for the things that I personally wanted to use my PTO hours for. So I ended up working late to make up for those hours that I was going to miss on Friday, so I would not have to use any of my personal time off. Also, someone ended up dropping off a gift card at my house for my birthday and it was just, it was just like a little reminder for me because of the things that I was dealing with. It was just like a reminder for me from God, like I know what you're going through, I see you and I care. That's what it felt like. It just felt like that because the day prior was so hard for me. And it was like, and they brought the gift card that same day, that Sunday after church, and I was sitting on the couch literally like why is this so hard? Like I literally was having a conversation with myself. Like well, not even with myself, I was having a conversation with God. Like God, why is this so hard? Why am I going through this? Why am I continuing? Let me be honest, why am I continuing to go through this? Why is this so hard? What am I doing? I am doing what's right. I am trying to be who you've called me to be like. Why is this so hard? And as I am sitting there having this conversation with God, this person pulls up at my house like no lie, because in the daytime I have my blinds open in my home because I love the sunlight to just the natural sunlight to shine through my home. And this person pulls up at my house and they're just smiling and they don't see me, see them, but I see them and they pull up in my home with this little bag and leave it at the door and then send me this message and I just thank them, appreciate them and let them know how I feel. But it was just like this reminder because again, I'm in the middle of having this conversation with God at this very moment and I had been talking to God all morning because again, I'm just getting home from church and me encouraging myself and me talking. I've been talking to God all day about this. Like this was not just me just now having this conversation with him, but I'm sitting on the couch talking to him about this and they pull up and I just say thank you, like, just thank you, like I hear you. I hear you and God this is not new to me Like God is such a personal God and not just with me. If you have a relationship with God, god is a personal God. All you have to do is talk to him, seek him. He wants that with you, he desires that with you, he wants to be close to you. His word says draw near to him and he'll draw near to you. He desires to have that with you. So I'm just talking to him and this person pulls up and I'm just like thank you, thank you, cause I needed their real shirts in the moment, cause my flesh was weak. Like my flesh was weak and I needed that. So on day 20, it was just like because the gift card I ended up going to get me dinner. Cause, again, day 20 is Monday. Monday is my self care day. So I go out and I pick up dinner and I began to play my worship music and I'm just in my car singing and thanking God and praising God. And don't get me wrong, my circumstances had not changed. I'm still in this hard season. I'm still going through things. I am still externally going through these hard circumstances, but I am internally reassured and remembering who I am, whose I am and knowing God is there for me and he sees me and he hears me and he's concerned about me and cares about me and has not left me and y'all I just feel good. And day 20 was such a great day because I'm just reminded of my savior. Y'all it fooled all over again. I feel like I felt on day 20 because this scene is just reminded me of day 20 all over again, and how I felt in that moment is how I'm feeling right now. I just encouraged myself all over again because again I told you the external has not changed and I hope that has encouraged you because you may be on the other end listening to this in your external circumstances, maybe hard right now. You may be going through a hard season right now and you may need to be reminded that God sees you and he's concerned about you and he cares about you because he does Day 21,. I asked the lady that cleans our home to come early because it's Tuesday. Day 21 is Tuesday. She usually comes on a Wednesday, but that Wednesday our daughter's daycare was gonna be closed for the Thanksgiving holiday, so I asked our cleaning lady to come that Tuesday to clean our home, which was the best decision I could have made, because imagine her trying to clean our home with all three children, especially a three-year-old Tyler, in her way. So, yes, tuesday was a good day because I got our home clean and I got our home clean without having to worry about keeping a three-year-old Tyler out her way. Day 22, I started cooking today, that day, which was that Wednesday, because Thursday was gonna be my only day off, which was Thanksgiving Day. I didn't have any other days off and I'm glad I did it like that, because I wanted to make the best of my time instead of spending all of Thanksgiving trying to cook in cooking all day. Because I wanted to make sure I spent time with my family and it was my first time making dressing and a sweet potato pie. So I ended up deciding to do those at Wednesday, since it was my first time, just to make sure I had time to take my time and really cook them and didn't have any problems with them and, y'all, they really turned out really good. Like I was proud. Like I was really proud. Day 23, this was the first Thanksgiving we stayed at home. We didn't do any traveling and we didn't host and I cooked everything myself. What I usually do is we usually cater a few dishes and I'll cook some of the dishes, or we're either at somebody's house my family or my husband's family so we don't have to cook a lot of stuff. But this time we didn't go anywhere, we didn't host anybody, so I cooked everything myself and y'all it. Just it felt good. I felt like a real adult. I felt like a real freaking adult. And y'all, my son, which made me really proud, like I wanted to cry after we ate dinner as a family at the table and after we got done eating my son, he said Mama, thank you for the meal, thank you for the food. I was like, what Boy you ain't never thanked me for no food? Like, unless I bought food or something, he'll tell me thank you for that, but he ain't never, like, gathered from the dinner table and said thank you. Who don't thank you for the food? Like that made me feel really good about, you know, the meal that I prepared for my family. So it was a day. 23 was a really good day for me. Y'all it was a really good day and I call my grandma, because my grandma, she's the one who makes dressing and sweet potato pie for me every year, like that. She, just as long as I've been in the door, as long as I can go back and remember, she's always made these for me every year, and this was the first year I did it myself. So I called her to let her know and she was so proud of me Like I felt like a little girl. I love my grandma and my great grandma Got wrist her soul. She would have been proud of me too. She was proud of me. So it was good calling her, letting her know I made my first dress and sweet potato for my family. So I think that was pretty down on dope Pretty down on dope. Day 24, I went and got my nails done and my eyebrows waxed y'all. Yeah. Day 20, I took a nap afterwards. Yeah, I am not a napper, but that's really be good now. Like I really see what people be talking about. Like I have, the older I get, I'm turning into that lady. I'm turning to an old lady, y'all. The older I get, the more I appreciate good sleep Like I really do. But I'm a napper, I'm turning into a freaking napper, but I had a good nap afterwards and after my nap, I got dressed up, did my makeup and I took myself out for dinner, for a happy hour, and had a good time. Day 25 was a really good day. It was a really good day, day 26. So day 26 ties in to day 25, which was this past weekend. I took myself on a solo self-care trip and I went to Memphis and y'all, I had the most amazing time, the most amazing time. Y'all y'all gonna have to go on my Facebook page If you don't follow me on Facebook, or you can go on my TikTok. So Facebook and Demo and Mo, tiktok and Demo and Mo, so you can see everything that I did there in details and you can see the businesses. So you can follow them and you can check them out. If you're ever in Memphis, I encourage you go check them out, go follow my pages or check out those businesses so you can see exactly where I went and you can go support them, because every place that I went to had amazing food, dope customer service. They were just great businesses that I would encourage you to go support and check out. Day 26, I slept in. I slept in at nine. I didn't sleep that whole time, but I stayed in bed tonight Again, something I never do. I ended up going to this place called Moby's Bingea and had many bingas which were amazing, do you hear me? Amazing, absolutely amazing. And after that I went to Memphis Botanic Garden Beautiful, absolutely beautiful, if you. I encourage everybody to experience this at least one time. That was my first time ever going. I've been to Memphis a lot of times, but this was my first time ever going and experiencing the Botanic Garden. And before leaving I went to Gus's Fried Chicken and the food was great but the service impeccable. I didn't have to ask for anything, not even one time. So solo self-care trip If you've never been, I encourage you to go at least one time, at least one time. Oh, my goodness, I had a great time y'all Day 27. I went to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned. I told y'all, self-care is about taking care of your well-being, holistically, all of you, not just parts of you. All of you. So make sure you take care of your health and wellness. Get those appointments scheduled, make sure you keep them. Make sure you get them rescheduled when you miss them. Keep your appointments. Make sure you get your annuals, your physicals Y'all Take care of yourself. Day 28. I scheduled a session to see my therapist. I told y'all before my last one it had been well over a month since I saw my therapist and I need to see her. I desire to see her at least twice a month. So yesterday I made sure I got a session scheduled with her, so it won't be like last time when I look up and a month has passed before since the last time I saw her. So day 29. I am going to have dinner with a girlfriend and I also one of the girlfriends that I told you about from the Friendsgiving that reaches out to me to check on me periodically. She actually reached out to me. As I'm recording this, it's day 29. And she reached out to me and can I be honest with y'all she asked me how I was doing and I said I'm doing good. And then I asked her how she was doing and she told me. But then she said I just wanted to see how you was doing and I wanted to check in with you. And when she said that, I said Monique, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, don't do the opposite of what you've learned in therapy, don't do this Okay. So I ended up responding back and telling her how much I appreciated her checking in on me and her consistency of checking in on me and how much I appreciated it. And then I also said I'm doing good, but I'm walking through a really hard season right now, and she just taught me how to. It's okay to be honest about where you are and you don't have to give the details of everything. And I want to encourage you guys as well, because sometimes you just don't want to, you don't you want to. You want to allow people in, but you don't want to share your business, you don't want to share your desire, you know. And she said well, she said, and then she offered me us getting together, hanging out and almost need before therapy, and I would have kind of like burst it off, or you know, because I have my, I have my circle, you know, I have my close friends, those are my people. But I told y'all, my girlfriends have moved away and now it's time for me to attempt at making a new village, one that's physically here and not in. Nothing's going to change with my girlfriends oh, those my sisters. We're going to ride to the wheels fall off. But I also need people that are physically here with me and I've accepted that and I encourage that for my girlfriends, like now, it's about me learning to do the things that I encourage others to do in my own life. So I told her I'm accepting that offer and we are going to get together. So y'all, I'm putting myself out there. I told y'all this self care challenge was about knocking some things out my bucket list and facing my fears and come running. And I'm proud to say, as I prepare to close out this month of November in this self care challenge, I have done just that. So when this episode is on November 30. I can say that I'm proud of the self care work that I've done. I can look myself in the mirror and say, girl, you did that. So I hope my journey has encouraged you to do some self care work holistically, not just the cute stuff, but that hard work is well from the inside out. I hope what I have said has encouraged you on your journey, wherever you are, whether you are on the on the beginning of the spectrum where you need to begin a self care work, you're on the middle, where you you do it, here and there you get an in where you can, or you, you at the end where you, you. You got this self care work down and you need to encourage somebody else. Let's continue to do this self care work. Remember I love you, but God loves you so much more. I'll see you next week. Bye.