Nurturing Excitement and Intimacy in Relationships: Insights and Tips

Speaker 1: 0:06

What's up, guys? Welcome to Demo with Moe. I'm your host, monique Simmons. We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young Christian's perspective. Are you guys ready? Let's dive in. Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Moe. I am your host, monique Simmons, and today we are going to jump into a new conversation from one of our let's Talk discussions. I hope you guys enjoyed our conversation on last week about the common things that couples who make it share. I really enjoyed having that conversation with some of our group members from the relationship community, and today we're going to have another one of those conversations where we are going to be talking with some of our members from our relationship community. And if you have not joined us over there, this is another one of those shameless plugs. Head on over to our Facebook community, dane Engage and Married Objectives, and join us over there. But one of our let's Talk conversations that we had while I was on break from the podcast. This topic is going to be called Keeping Things Exciting and you guys, I had so much fun I'm talking about. I had an amazing time talking about this one and September. For those of you who don't know, and for those of you who are aware, september is Sexual Health Awareness Month, and the Will Health Organization defines sexual health as a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being. In relation to sexuality, it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. I listened to a podcast earlier this week and they called it for September again because it's Sexual Health Awareness Month. They called it Sex Positive September and I just loved that name. And if it's perfectly, for what sexual health awareness is? Because there are so many stigmas, and especially in the Christian community, and you guys know that my podcast is from a Christian perspective, so that's always going to be my perspective, that's always going to be the viewpoint of the things I talk about. But in a Christian community, a lot of times we do not feel comfortable talking about our sexuality, being sex positive, especially in our relationships, in our marriages, and being comfortable with our sexuality and being sex positive even in our own marriages, where God has created sex and it's a beautiful thing. So I thought this let's Talk discussion would be absolutely perfect to go ahead and close out the month of September, especially with September being sexual health awareness month. I did not want to let the month go by and not touch this topic because I am a sex positive person, a Christian, golly woman, but I think this is a topic that needs to be discussed. It needs to be talked about In our churches, in our homes. We need to be talking about it Our sexuality is, being conscious about it, teaching sexual health, using protection, being tested for STDs and STIs and being able to appreciate our own bodies, taking responsibility for our bodies and our orgasms and realizing the consequences of sexual activity, making sure we choose the right partners who are responsible, trustworthy, safe and giving, allowing ourselves to experience pleasurable sexual and sexual feelings and not feeling shame around the topic of sex, just being overall sexually healthy adults, especially in our Christian community, because God is the one who created sex. Okay, I think I will get out of my soapbox now, but I really want us to get to a place as a community, as a people, where we can enjoy and be comfortable and can openly talk about sex and enjoy sex in the right way, in the way that God created it. Now, I don't want my words to be taken out of the context out of the context that I'm meaning it, but I want us to do things the way God intended them to be, but to be able to enjoy them fully, the way that God wanted us to enjoy them, not for it to bring about shame or embarrassment, but for us to freely enjoy it. So, again, our topic for today is going to be one of our list-talk discussions from the group, our relationship community, and it's going to be called Keeping Things Exciting. It's going to be some of our group members where we talk about different ways we can keep things exciting in our relationships and in our marriages, because sometimes we can be with someone for so long that we can get comfortable in our relationships, in our marriages, and we want to get the excitement back. And I know you may hear this and I told them the same thing when we had this discussion in real time that maybe when you heard this topic or this discussion, your mind automatically went to sex and for you, especially when we say that this is sexual health awareness month, your mind may have went to the same exact place. Let's see exactly exactly what we're going to be talking about today. Okay, If you're not following me already, don't jump over there to your social media platforms. Follow me on Instagram at Demo with Moe podcast, on TikTok, and Facebook at Demo with Moe. Remember to join at Facebook community Dane Engage and Married Objectives. Wherever you listen to this podcast, write and review to help others find this podcast so that it may help them as well as much as it has helped you along your journey. Remember to share this with anyone in your life that you think it may be an encouragement, a support, a help to, and I just appreciate you guys for rocking with me, as always. But without further ado, let's dive into today's episode. All right, hello guys. So on our let's Talk tonight we are going to be discussing keeping things exciting. How do we keep things exciting in our relationships, in our marriages and I'm really excited about tonight's conversation and we're going to be discussing practical ways on how we can do that. So we're going to jump right in. So usually on our let's Talk, I kind of ask questions and we go from there. So tonight is going to be a little different. I'm going to give a sort of like how I do my podcast. I'm going to give a specific tip or a practical way we can keep things exciting in our relationships. And then I'm going to ask a question regarding that specific tip that I give on each corner. Okay, so the first one is have fun together. It's going to be our first point, which sounds pretty easy, but after you've been in a relationship especially the people who've been in a relationship or been married for a long time we can forget to have fun together. I don't know if any of you guys who are on the call or any of you who may be listening back to this later can relate. I don't know if any of you guys can relate, but sometimes you can get caught up in the routine of things, in the business of things. In the root, especially if you have kids, you guys work outside of the home, maybe you do ministry, you trying to hang out with your friends, all of the different things that we have going on. You can forget to keep having fun with your partner. So that's our first thing we want to do to keep things exciting in our relationships and in our marriages, remembering to have fun together. So the question is when is the last time you guys did something fun? Just the two of you no business, no bills, no kids, just fun. Sometimes we get too serious in our relationships and it becomes all work and no play. So if you can think about you and your partner, when is the last time that you guys had fun? Ash, what's your thing? Can you remember anything or think of anything?

Speaker 3: 9:40

She says she's going to have to type, so while she's typing, I'll try to Perfect.

Speaker 1: 9:45

And once you go, I can go after you.

Speaker 2: 9:47

So I think for us it was back when I posted about the marriage retreat, which will be June. Okay, life has been like this we make it happen. We make it happen, have fun every day, but as far as, like you know, intentional fun, like something that was planned for us to do.

Speaker 1: 10:03

It's been since June, gotcha. So what did you guys do? For those who may be listening to this and have no idea of what you're referring to, what did you guys do?

Speaker 2: 10:12

Okay, yeah, our church has a marriage couple group, marriage couples group and we went on a marriage retreat to Alabama and we did some fun stuff and our little whole motto was kind of like what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But we had a really good time Because it's you know, when you think of typical outings with a church group especially, you know, even with a marriage setting, it was nothing like that. We had a great time.

Speaker 1: 10:41

That's awesome. I love it, I love it and I love when you even posted the pictures about it. I love seeing it myself, especially when couples get to be around other like-minded couples. I just you know, that's my cup of tea anyway, but I just love to see it. I love to see it. And for my husband and I, the thing when I was putting together the questions, what came to mind is we went to Atlanta for our. We went to Atlanta the end of June and we've done some stuff since then. You know, as far as having fun Because I don't want people to hear this question that may be listening to this playback later and hear this question and think, just to have fun with your partner, you got to do something big and extravagant and you got to go on vacations. Or you know, you got to be something you know because you can literally go in your backyard and spray each other with water guns or go for a run at the park or go shoot hoops. You know, play, whatever you guys think it things is. You know you can go hear live music, whatever you guys think is. That's what having fun together is. That's what I'm trying to say to you guys. But the first thing that came to my mind when I was putting together these questions was my husband and I. We went to Atlanta to celebrate our anniversary as well as my husband's birthday back at the end of June and we went to this place. It was recommended to me by one of our friends, but we I had also founded on TikTok before we travel places because I like to travel Whenever we get ready to travel I always do deep dives on TikToks Before I go to a city. I like to find out, like what are the popular places that like? Not the touristy places. I don't like to go to touristy spots. I like to go to spots where the locals go and the people that live there recommend. So I always do a deep down on TikTok and one of the places that was recommended was this place called Spocha, and it happens that one of my girlfriends recommended this same place. I'm like we got to go, try it out. We get there, we try to spot out and it was right up my husband and I's alley, because we are both very competitive and my husband loves basketball and sports and for those who listen to my podcast and kind of know our background and our history, that's how my husband and I met. My husband played basketball. Well, that's not how we met, because we met before then, but that's how we began dating and getting into a relationship. My husband played basketball and I was the basketball team statistician. So that's how we got into a relationship. So it was right up our alley. But we went to this place and they had all different types of sports activities. They had basketball court, they had golf, they had a skatering, they had pool, they literally had any sports that you could think of. And when we first got there, we had the place to ourself because we got there early and we did all of these different activities together. And when I say we had an amazing time, we had an amazing time and we just laughed and we had so much fun and it just that whole trip did something for us in our marriage. But that just being able to laugh and not have to worry about your kids and your bills and the stress that you usually worry about day to day we just really enjoyed that time for each other and it did something for us in our relationship and our marriage. So we have to remember to have fun together. It just does something for the relationship. We need that y'all. We just can't be at each other's neck and stressing and worrying and handling business every day. We got to have some room to have fun and enjoy one another. Ashley says, went to impromptu brunch after church and m-bar and enjoyed food and music. Girl, I love it Food and music, I love those two things. But we always laugh and crack and jokes and I love that more than anything. So you got to be able to have that, ashley. I love that so much about being able to laugh and crack jokes with one another, because sometimes we can really take things too seriously, Like my husband. Okay, and my husband actually really helps me Well, let me say help in a past tense, because I've gotten way better with that now but it really helped me in the beginning of our marriage with it, because out would take things way too seriously. Like we kind of balanced one another out because he would joke all the time and I would be too serious all the time and we balanced each other out. So I loved it, okay. Next point is how to keep things exciting. We have to remind our partner that we still find them attractive. They still got it. They still do it for us. Okay. So the question that goes with this second point is when was the last time your partner turned you on in public without even trying? It wasn't even their intention, they were just existing, being who they were. Who wants to jump in first on that one?

Speaker 2: 16:06

Same same as Poole on this one. My husband was preaching on Sunday before last. I said man, you better pre-search, mmm.

Speaker 1: 16:14

Mmm, mmm, mmm, amen and amen, allie, amen and amen. Oh, ashley, what about you?

Speaker 2: 16:28

I would probably say right before I mean maybe another time after this, but I just specifically thought about this. Right before schools started we took our kids to golf court and just seeing him with the kids on the beach looking you know how he looking being a good dad with the kids and like you better be out there in that water with them kids, because you know how I want to oh fine, Okay and try to move eggs.

Speaker 1: 17:03

I know that's right being out there doing what I don't want to be doing. Amen and amen. I love it, ashley. I love it. Sharon. Did you hear the question? I'm sorry, I can't remember if you came in after I said the question or before.

Speaker 3: 17:22

No, I did not hear the question. I'm sorry, oh you're fine.

Speaker 1: 17:26

So the question is because we're talking about how to keep things exciting in our relationship. Okay, and this is the second point, it says we have to remind our partners that they still, that we still find them attractive, that they still got it and that they still do it for us. And the question is when was the last time your partner turned you on in public without even trying? It wasn't even their intention, they were just existing.

Speaker 3: 17:57

Well, I will say I haven't been outside lately because I have a newborn, but kind of what I think I heard what Ashley was saying it's just my husband, like seeing him as a dad like has just been something completely different for me. I'm just like, oh my gosh, it's so cute that you change your diaper, like that you're playing with her or just like like little bitty things like that. So I mean, obviously I can't be thinking about that stuff right now, but yeah, if I was allowed to, that would be what it is right now, because it's just, it's just like a whole new journey for us right now.

Speaker 1: 18:33

Gatchu gatchu, miss Cam, miss Cam. What about you?

Speaker 4: 18:40

So for me, you know I've been married a long time so it's a little bit different. But you know, me and my husband still have. We never really took a break, I'm gonna say, from loving each other like that. So it's like things that do it for me with him. I'm gonna give you two instances from the past and the present. One of the biggest things for me was the type of man that he came in the door, being that did it for me. He walked every to the bus stop every morning. He come fresh off of work. He made sure she had. You know that that made me have a whole different level of trust for him, because he didn't want nothing to happen to us, you know, and he always and he tried to, he was just. That was a huge turn on for me to watch him come right in the door after work protecting his family, you know, helping me dress the boys. Like it never was an issue Now in the present. It doesn't matter where we are. We could be at a party, we can be in a large crowd, but his eyes always find me Okay and he's like he gonna. He make sure that he lets me. You know he makes a presence and I love that. Oh yeah, he gonna get some in.

Speaker 1: 20:16

Okay, okay, Miss Kim. Okay, I'm here for I'm here for it, Okay. So the next point is this number three how to keep things excited in your relationship. Find you a hobby or outlet that you love. Okay, so I know this one might sound a little contradictory, but when you have something that you love outside of the relationship, it builds your confidence, your self esteem, and spending that time on yourself is going to translate into your relationship. When you guys first started dating, when they caught your eye, it was them as an individual doing their own thing. You fail for them as a person. There is something so attractive to see your person in their element, happy and thriving. Don't lose that. So the question for this point is what's something that you do as an individual that you enjoy outside of the home and your relationship? Who wants to jump in on this one first, I think for me.

Speaker 3: 21:28

I like my reality TV, like in peace, like I don't need you telling me that, like my TV shows are trash or like whatever. Just like, leave me alone, I recharge alone. So I think that's what I would say. Like sometimes I just need to come into like the bedroom and just have like my alone time. Like don't talk to me, don't ask me what's for dinner, let me just have my glass of wine and just like give me like an hour and I'll be good to go.

Speaker 1: 21:58

Got you. Do you have anything that's not in the home, though?

Speaker 3: 22:02

So that's what I was thinking. I'm like gosh, I'm so boring I can think of right now.

Speaker 4: 22:06

I don't know.

Speaker 3: 22:07

I kind of have brain fog right now, though, so I might come back to it. I might come back once people start talking and let me Think on it.

Speaker 1: 22:17

Okay, let's see. Amber says same. I love for him to see me making music and performing too. I love that. Okay so, amber, that's your thing, and I love to watch you perform as well. Can I say that? And Ashley says lately I've gotten back into fitness, so working out and hanging with my girl. I love that for you, ash. Okay. So for Amber making her music and performing and for Ashley working out and hanging with her girls, I love it.

Speaker 2: 22:55

My hubby likes when I hang out with the girls because he think I'm coming back, you know.

Speaker 1: 23:01

I already know.

Speaker 2: 23:02

It's gonna be that time.

Speaker 1: 23:04

Girl, I knew you was gonna say that.

Speaker 2: 23:08

He's like, yes, hang with the girls and come on back on. You do that and look and don't even mind that be like go ahead and go.

Speaker 4: 23:19

No no, no, no no, they want us to go.

Speaker 1: 23:23

If the husbands were smart, they would all encourage it. I don't understand when they don't. And look, this is why this is a point See, this is why this is a point on here to keep things exciting in your relationship. When we not just women, women and men when we have our own hobbies and outlets outside of the home, that makes our relationships that much better, because we feel better about ourselves when we have our own things. Okay, allie said hers is shopping or browsing through thrift stores and baking. I love to see all of the things you be baking, allie. I need to. We need to make a trip to Starkville, okay, so let's see here. Our next point is do the little things. This one is simple but so impactful. When is the last time you were out, saw something that you thought your partner would enjoy and grab it? Or you knew they had a hard day at work, so you picked up dinner so they didn't have to cook, or you left a sticky note on the mirror for them to find, so things like that. When is the last time you did something like that for your partner?

Speaker 2: 24:44

So this one is a little harder for me, just because I'm not real thoughtful in the area of like giving or like. I just I don't think about it. But my husband hasn't made me a little bit better in this area because he's real and he's real intentional. Like I can say something and months later or a couple weeks later, a couple days later, it's you know, he'll have it or he doesn't forget it, Whereas he may say something I might forget. But I would say, the last time I did that for him, I got him one of those cups that keeps like beverages warm or hot, you know, and so I got him one of those because he works outside and he had been talking about how hot it was, and so I was like, and Walmart, and I saw one, and I was like I'm going to get this for him because he needs to stay hydrated. And he was just saying how he, you know, would like something where he can, you know, have some of the drinks. So that was a little while ago now, but I would think that that would probably be the last thing that I was like intentional and just kind of brought him home, you know, not thinking about it, or because I think that my focus a lot of times is just on other things and like gift giving isn't really my way of expressing love, and so I think that I can do better and be a lot more intentional in that area.

Speaker 1: 26:18

For sure I love it Be intentional, anybody else?

Speaker 3: 26:27

I'll kind of piggyback off the afters what she was saying, because during Amazon Prime I noticed that my husband because he likes during the school year, he likes to drink coffee out of those like little inflated things and his one last year got I don't know if I broke it or whatever, but I noticed that he didn't have one and so I bought him like a little cup. I will say for me, like gift-giving isn't my love language, but acts of service is his, so I try to like make his lunch when he comes home, or like if I'm making dinner, like I'll try to like make his lunch and I don't know, do something a little cute. He doesn't really like the sticky notes, like the sticky notes are more for me, but yeah, I guess that's the last thing I try to do is give him the make his lunch and give him the little insulated coffee cup so that he could have that when he goes to school.

Speaker 2: 27:22

So my husband loves and he's a huge fan of like Krispy Kreme and crumble cookies and stuff like that. So on the day of our baby girls memorial that day I just don't happen to have to go to- where was? I Walmart over there by that Krispy Kreme, and I just picked him up a box of a dozen, cuz I know if it was gonna be a rough day for him. You know it's just yeah. So yeah, I brought home some cookie, some Krispy Kreme. He was so happy about that. I was pissed the next day, though, because they were 30% off the very next day. I was like dang, I could have just waited.

Speaker 1: 28:01

But it'd be like that. It'd be like that, and, amber, I'm so sorry about your baby oh, thank you so much.

Speaker 2: 28:12

Thank you, I gotta get me back out there hang out, hang out with y'all. My husband asked about you too.

Speaker 4: 28:18

He thought Ashley was you yep saying wasn't she the one that came over for the bonfire for your birthday, and I was?

Speaker 1: 28:35

like no, no, that was actually so Ali says in a chat access service is my love language. I actually do this quite often. I wash his work clothes without him asking me if I have time to put them in a washer. If I see the basket is full of them, I get his favorite snacks often. I also leave notes randomly on his side of the bed. This morning, though, I woke up to $40 on my nightstand from him okay yesterday I cooked Sunday dinner specifically with his favorites and his request homemade mashed potatoes.

Speaker 2: 29:09

That's what I'm gonna try that what you did for that 40 Ali.

Speaker 3: 29:17

I know that's right okay, that's what I'm trying for a little change.

Speaker 2: 29:42

He's still paying for it, baby.

Speaker 1: 29:51

Okay, y'all. This next point is and this is the fifth point end of day check-ins. Okay, so my husband and I's marriage therapist put us on this. It sounds like something everyone should know, but knowing and doing are two totally different things. The more often we talk about little stuff, the less we have to talk about the big stuff. This also creates intimacy, because we get to learn what's going on in our partner's heads and hearts. If we take advantage of this, which can in turn lead to other things, how often do you and your partner check-in to see how one another is doing, how work is going, how can I support you, show up for you, etc. How often do you guys get to do this with your partner?

Speaker 2: 30:45

I'm trying not to be the first one to say something every time I'm excited Abby Go ahead.

Speaker 3: 30:51

But I'm also the one who's usually not as talkative.

Speaker 1: 30:55

You better jump in now.

Speaker 3: 30:57

For me in particular for those who follow me and all this stuff on social media my husband and I use the kitchen diary thing.

Speaker 2: 31:05

That's a very stressful job. When he walks in I can only tell how his day goes based on I've ducked until. I said I know if you've had an entire day. Even if you walk in in. Your shoulders are small, kind of like the way the world is on your shoulder. If I notice that, I typically won't ask him how it was working because I can't tell, but I'll just let him be compressed. Then, after he's showered or whatever, I'll talk to him. Then I'll ask him how it was working today, or massage his shoulders, something of that nature. He's actually better at that than me. I'm working on it, but no, he's a little bit better than me at coming in. He usually asks me how was my day, how am I feeling? I'm getting better at just doing what Allie just said, sometimes knowing when to ask and when to just do, because I know that it might have been a tough day. I've been trying to figure out that balance, but he usually asks me just about everything.

Speaker 1: 32:14

That's awesome. Let me ask you this, because he asks you more often than you ask him. How do you usually respond when he asks you? Are you open? We kind of share.

Speaker 2: 32:27

Yeah, I usually tell him my day was good, or just tell him how my day was. Then I'll ask him in time how was your day? Usually I am really good at it because he's a music teacher. If I know, they had a performance that day or they had something really big on the schedule. Then I usually am really good at being like how was the show, how was the performance? Got you? But just on a regular basis asking him how was your day. I'm working on it. But sometimes I know, because he's not a huge talker, sometimes he'd be wanting me to just like if he looked like he'd already had a rough day just come over and give him a massage or not ask him what he wants for dinner, because he always very indecisive. So I know it means a lot if I just cook.

Speaker 1: 33:13

So big type of thing Got it. Thank you, Aish. What about you?

Speaker 2: 33:21

So I do daily check-ins. But I do check-ins like I probably call my husband and ask him in the middle of the day how's your day going? I didn't want to just call and see how you're doing so that type of thing. And then I may ask him when he comes home how was your day? And sometimes he'll have something, but most times he's just like it was good or it was cool, just hot or whatever something like that. I usually do check-ins with him, because he's not the one that's about to just come tell me if he had a bad day or if something is going on, so I have to have a check-in. Yeah, my husband is the same way. Same, mine is too. So how do y'all kind of go about that when you know that you don't really have much of a talker or a sharer? Like, do you just kind of I don't know, I don't know what I'm asking, like, do you think it's more helpful to kind of be the one that starts conversations? Or, because they're more of an action person, do you think it's best to kind of do more action, because that's what they will respond to better? Y'all get what I'm saying Like what is good, what y'all find is like the best approach to that when you don't really have somebody.

Speaker 3: 34:54

That's very very verbal.

Speaker 2: 34:56

If you're wanting to help him build in that area, then I think that you kind of just have that conversation if a space allows you to Like. You know, I feel like I'm always talking to you about what I have going on and my issues, and you know, I know you're not really expressive, but I want you to feel like you can do that too and kind of just opening that door. You know, and because we're good with you know regular communication, I guess you know, when you were saying, like he's not that person that's going to come and say I'm having a bad day, do you feel like you have to pull that out of him?

Speaker 3: 35:37

Because just regular conversation on regular basis. You know we're good with that.

Speaker 2: 35:41

Just ask them open-ended questions where he can't just be like yes no you know. So you kind of got to have, you have to kind of get creative.

Speaker 3: 35:50

But yeah, like open-ended questions.

Speaker 2: 35:52

Like you know, I know you said you had a good day, but what made it? You know, like what made it a good day? Okay, I know you said nothing. Really went on like, well, what kind of happened today? Like anything out of the ordinary?

Speaker 3: 36:04

You know what I?

Speaker 2: 36:05

mean. So, since y'all are good at having conversations, you know, maybe just like kicking it, you know, not really making it a big deal, right, but if you notice something that's like you know, even when you massaging them, well I know it's your real tense today, baby, you sure, you sure.

Speaker 3: 36:26

I can start any conversation with some sweets.

Speaker 2: 36:28

Yeah, then.

Speaker 3: 36:28

I'll fix some brownies, oh yeah. Yeah, I mean, I feel like I need to up my massage game. No.

Speaker 4: 36:34

I really do need to up my massage game.

Speaker 2: 36:36

I haven't done that in a while. But when I was in the hospital over the summer I ordered these little because he was complaining about his legs and he had an old injury that kind of flares up every now and then when he goes to the gym. So I ordered, like these little massage things that you put on your leg, so I don't necessarily have to massage, I could just plug up the little thing Okay. The 10s unit. Okay, the 10s unit. I got one for my husband for his back, and then when I came home from the hospital and was complaining about my back, he had like this little back chair massage thing that I could use as I work from home.

Speaker 3: 37:11

Okay, you're getting good with your gift given. Okay, I like these things.

Speaker 1: 37:17

Okay, ladies. The next point is this is number six. I'm going to be talking about the night and day dates for people that can do the dates in a day time. Set a side time to spend with your book. What's the most memorable day you've ever had with your partner? What were you guys doing?

Speaker 3: 37:41

and why was it memorable? I feel like it's been so long. You know, I will say, for me it's been the times where we've like gotten up early, Went to go get breakfast and then we went to Costco's, which I know is super lame, but it's just like those like little moments were just I don't know like. It's not like a whole bunch of pressure, Like I don't know. I just kind of like going to Costco's. I know that makes me sound old or weird or whatever, but it's just like our time like at the grocery store, especially when we can just like be at the grocery store and it's not like a rush, Like we're not like, oh, we have to do this, this is, this is this is just like, okay, let's just go and you know, kind of like you know, just go to the grocery store and you know, kind of sometimes we spend too much money doing that. But I don't know, I think that's the last day I really enjoyed. It's just kind of or the days, or we don't have to have a timeline. I guess is what I'm trying to.

Speaker 2: 38:35

I love that. The not having to have a timeline yet that's important. Yeah, I think, for for me, recently, like without it being some huge Grand thing, because I mean I can think of, like, you know, we took a trip here, there those are always good, but Especially because they were, you know, planned, but most recently, you know, unfortunately For the reason, but we took full advantage of having time off recently. I mean, obviously I had time off anyway because I'm attorney, believe, but he was able to not have to go to the school because of baby girls passing and and Our son was in daycare. So during those days we were doing such random things. I think we caught a happy hour one day and was just sitting there Payton's shot and just Sitting and talking and laughing, and then another day we wouldn't got pedicures. So it was just nice not having to have to look for a babysitter in the middle of the day and just being able to just be together in our own little bubble and just allow each other to just have a good time. It was nice. I like that. Um, I think for me there's two that come to mind. So one one day I just decided to Do like an in-house date night and so I kind of I went and got sushi, I set up some pedals in the liver roll, had like rose petals everywhere, candles, all that, and so when he came home he had that, had on something you know real nice and sexy On and all that great stuff. And so that was one memorable date night that I actually, you know, did. And then the other one or the other times that I think about, we have gone to like brunch and your girl don't don't really drink like that. But for whatever reason, when I get with my husband, if I'm like, okay, I just need time, you know, let loose, he, he, um, he definitely allows me to get there and all I had. All I remember is I have a video of me being like, yep, not hanging out with you, no more, baby, I have fell and scrape my knee and I was like, no, that's a good time. You know, once you fall and scrape your knee with your husband, that's, you know, that's the time had. So I just think about that because it's it's good when you have like a best friend and your spouse and You're able to do those things with them that maybe you might not feel comfortable doing with other people or not want you know, to do with other people and so, just any time I'm able to just like let my hair down, hang out with him and, like you said, just, you know, have some cocktails or Whatever we do, like I, just I Just laugh because it's like you know, I'm really in the bushes with my husband right now and he got me to this point and, and so that, that, to me, is just funny, makes me laugh every time. I think about those two instances. So yeah, amber, the kids were gone. You talk about the inside date night? I think that's what you asked me about. Yes, yeah. So far away from family, like we'll be trying to get get our little day saying what we can't, or when we put him to bed. Yes, put him to bed, or do it. Well, I don't know, you got little babies now, so I'm about to say school and they care, but you know, put them to bed, girl, I mean, just do do something. Or or a night that you got a babysitter, just you know. And I literally just went to Kroger, got sushi and was like, okay, I'm just put some pillows down on the ground and and make this, you know, as sexy as it can be. Put some little One-year anniversary coming up to, yes, yes, September 10.

Speaker 1: 42:48

That's right.

Speaker 2: 42:51

Uh-huh, remember last year we did the um the bridal shower. Y'all so nice oh yeah, what can do?

Speaker 3: 42:59

something else?

Speaker 1: 43:00

Okay, let's see here. Next point, number seven emotional intimacy. So this one. Allow yourself to connect more deeply with your partner through actions that express feelings, bonabilities and trust. You feel safe. You have a willingness to share your inner world with them. How do you think emotional intimacy plays a part in keeping things exciting in our relationships, or does it?

Speaker 2: 43:39

I think, especially as women, it does For me. If my emotional is not together or my mental, like the, the, the physical intimacy is not, is not there for me. And so, if I'm really honest, like intimacy not like the sexual part, but into me was, I see, was something that my husband and I struggled with, and I remember just praying to God like God, help me in the area of intimacy. And it was how can I say this? Our hell broke loose, because Emotional intimacy means that you have to see the ugly parts of that person, and I didn't know that that's what that meant. I thought it meant something else, like let's just sit here and talk, pillow talk, like people be talking about, and it's like you can't do that until a person is completely comfortable with you, until you have allowed them space to show you the real them, the, the good, the bad, the ugly, and Work through whatever that is. That is what creates the intimacy and Well, I wish somebody would have told me that before I prayed. But you know, I figured it out, I understand where you coming from, because that also includes like learning certain triggers about them and yourself, yes, ma'am, and like really learning how to not necessarily avoid them, but how to just know your partner enough to care about them in a way that you don't exploit those triggers and that you Feel safe enough to, like you said, like, share those things. Yeah, it's tough, that's. That's something that's definitely been um one of our, our struggles, because we're both so, but we're both so like strong headed and Look at emotions not now, but you know, probably in our previous dating life and just in general Um was really good at not sharing our emotions. So two people that are used to not sharing their emotions, kind of being in a position where you, you do, you have this person with you. It it's important On both ends because it can build a relationship and it can also tear it down if you're not careful with, like your words or, like you said, creating that safe space that is so important much more important than our New years ago because you can leave scars. You can't always take things back, but then when you do create that safe space, it does help, you know, bring those walls down. You're not as guarded Um. You know you feel safe. So it's important on both ends to be, you know, careful about how you are Emotionally intimate with your partner.

Speaker 1: 47:11

So good, so good. And I know there are going to be some people that's going to be listening to this playback later and they're going to be wondering, because I'm sure when people heard me say that we're going to be talking about keeping things excited, I'm sure there are a lot of people who minds went straight to sex. Like she's going to be talking about sex already. That's, that's what monique is going to be talking about sex. But there are so many things that plays a part in good sex. I mean, don't get me wrong, sex is a part of marriages and sex is important. That's basically what I'm trying to say. Sex is important to a marriage, but there are so many things that play a part even before we can even get to a good sex. Emotional intimacy is one of those things. If we don't have emotional intimacy, good emotional intimacy, there's not going to be that good physical intimacy that we're going to get to. You know, because I don't feel safe, I do feel guarded, I can't share myself with you. There are parts of me that are hidden from you. You don't know all the ugly things. You only know some of the on-the-surface things about me. So I'm not Completely seen by you, I'm not completely known by you and now we don't have that intimacy, that closeness, that being fully known by someone and in our romantic relationship and in our marriages that's where we're supposed to feel the most seen, the most heard, the most vulnerable, the most safest. And if I don't have that, it's going to be a problem. You know that's going to cause issues and other areas in our relationship and the bedroom is going to be one of the number one issues and especially for women, if we don't have this good look with the physical intimacy, you know you may do it, you may do it, but you're probably not going to be satisfied in that area, you're probably not going to be pleased in that area. So we got to have this piece and there's so many of our relationships that is missing. That is missing this piece. Sharon and Allie, did you guys want to talk about this? How do you think this emotional intimacy plays A part in keeping things exciting in our relationships?

Speaker 3: 49:40

I feel like ash and amber definitely hit the nail on the head, like I don't have too much more to add. But whenever you were saying, though, about like, whenever I read the title to this one, I was like, oh gosh, this is just going to be about sex. But it is so true. Like, especially right now. You know, my husband and I we've just been trying to Like, if we have a moment just like hey, like let's just go like lay down in the bed like you know, nothing like other stuff going on, but just like holding hands and just having like that pillow talking. That's just something we don't. Maybe we're just bad about like slowing down and doing like sometimes I just feel like you know we just get to it, kind of thing. But it's been nice to kind of be like hey, like let's just talk, like let's cut off the tv and not have other distractions around us, even if it's just for like five or ten minutes and I don't know. It's almost like getting to know him again, like getting to know each other again, um, but yeah, that's the only thing I have to add.

Speaker 1: 50:38

I like it.

Speaker 2: 50:41

And for me, I would add that, um our first year of marriage we took, it was some class. I can't remember what it was called now, but it was basically centered around marriage and, um, the facilitator broke intimacy now as intimacy, and so that just always stuck with me. Because basically, with intimacy, it's like seeing that person like in their vulnerable state, like, basically think of, think of seeing them like naked, but like emotionally naked, not physically naked. And then for, like us as women, as ash was saying that part matters a lot to us. When it comes to as far as being able to be physically, you know, sexual with each other, intimate with each other, I would say, uh, for me, and it's a little easier for them to just hop in, but for us we're wide different. So when you have that part, it makes the other part easy.

Speaker 1: 51:34

Yeah, it's something that I've learned About me and and I don't want to speak for all men, but something I learned about me and for my husband specifically because I always assumed that it was just women who needed emotional intimacy and that men were more easily just satisfied physically, that you know they could just have a Basically uh I don't even want to call it there because that sounds I'll be out of married. Do you know how Some women can get into a place in their marriage where they have duty six, where they're not into it, but they just wanna satisfy their husband, so they may just lay there and have sex with their husband? Y'all all understand what I'm saying.

Speaker 2: 52:29

Yeah, but them sessions be long and I can't.

Speaker 1: 52:33

I'm saying, but y'all get the point of what I'm saying, Like they just lay there. Okay.

Speaker 2: 52:37

Okay so.

Speaker 1: 52:38

I, I, I, I, I, I. Yeah. It's very unfulfilling that that, yes, okay. So I always assumed, before my husband and I started couples therapy years ago, that I just assumed that husbands were satisfied with that, like the wife was. The wife was just unsatisfied, but they were being satisfied. That was my assumption, just straight up. Being completely honest, I really thought that the longest day had an orgasm they were satisfied. That's just what my, that's just what my thinking was. Well, come to find out that my husband said that that was not true. That is not true. That is. My husband can't speak for all men, but he can speak for a lot of men. Men want to feel like their wives desire them, like their wives want them. They want to be wanted, just like we want to be wanted and desired by our husband. So emotional intimacy is not only for us as women, but our husbands want that as well. They may just show that through physical intimacy and wanting to have six, but with them even wanting to have six, they want to connect to us, even emotionally. They want us to desire them and feel a part of and want us to be a part of us having six as well. Does that make sense?

Speaker 2: 54:12

Like that. That absolutely makes sense they can tell if we bored.

Speaker 1: 54:16

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 54:17

That absolutely makes sense. And I heard those exact words from my husband and I was like say what?

Speaker 1: 54:23

Yes. It's not enough for your body just to be there. They want you to be there as well, and enjoying it. They want to connect to us. So emotional intimacy is for both of us, me and them.

Speaker 2: 54:36

So for me, though, this was the issue. So you want me to be there and you want me to show you your desire and all this, but I told you I was tired, so, so, so, so, so that's my issue. I told you I was tired. I told you. So, at that point, sir, you have made a decision to get what you're gonna get. I told you I'm tired, I'm not here, I'm here, but I'm not here, so that's your decision. So I hey, I'm just very honest, brutally sometimes, but hey, he married me. I think the disconnect can come from, like for me and women I won't speak for all men or all women, but I think sometimes the disconnect can come from, like the difference between being able to just turn it on in the moment and being able to just like, click on and off right there, and needing that warm up to it like that all day. For example, you want me to just be, you want me to just be like ready to just turn it on, but we've been into it all day. My brain don't work like that.

Speaker 3: 55:58

My brain don't work like that.

Speaker 2: 55:59

I mean sometimes make up is cool, like that's one thing, that's a different situation. But no, and not even just into it, or we in our own space, or we really ain't had much communication, and this doesn't really happen often, but if it does, and then you ready to just turn it on now. I got to be warmed up. I can't fight. We ovens, we are ovens. I need to be warmed up, I need to, and it ain't just right there and there it's all day. It's when you told me I looked good earlier. I'm gonna remember that. Come on now, you better talk to me for a minute. It's when you slept my butt while I was cooking dinner. I'm gonna remember that Okay.

Speaker 1: 56:35

Oh yes, ma'am, oh yes, ma'am. It actually is so crazy Like we having church, amen and amen.

Speaker 2: 56:42

Come on, please let me. But really I think so. That's where the disconnect is Like for some people, cause I also know that my husband too have said, right, I like some of those same things as well. So I can't you know. I won't speak in general, but Okay.

Speaker 1: 56:59

So, amber, what you're discussing right now. This leads us into our next point.

Speaker 3: 57:04

This is our final point Come on Segway.

Speaker 1: 57:07

Perfect Segway Number eight physical affection and physical intimacy. So hugs, embraces, passionate kisses, holding hands, the caressing of their backs, putting their hair behind their ears, forehead kisses or a little smack on the butt. Whatever your thing is, do it often and don't wait until it's time to have sex, Okay. Also, be open and talk often about the things you enjoy when it comes to sex. Sex was created for both partners to enjoy. Certain positions towards or no, toys, foreplay, what are you into, not into? Wanna try, or completely off the table. Don't be afraid to have the conversations. Have fun with it. This is your person. Take the time to explore one another's body and figure out what works through trial and error. They have games you can play, questions you can ask to get you more comfortable, but you can't have this without the emotional intimacy. You can have a counterfeit of this, but it won't be the same, Okay. So this one is a two-part question Do you enjoy physical affection, Holding hands, making out, et cetera? And the second question is do you feel comfortable expressing your physical needs and desires in your relationship?

Speaker 2: 58:50

I'll say yes to the first one and it depends to the second one.

Speaker 1: 58:56

Okay, so you enjoy physical affection and it depends. So what are you comfortable asking or expressing? When it comes to the second one, you said what am. I comfortable with, like what things are you comfortable expressing and which things do you have a struggle with expressing to others.

Speaker 2: 59:15

So I'm comfortable expressing anything honestly. It's more so how we get there and the approach of the conversation, like why are we talking about? How are we talking about it? When do you bring it up? Cause you know you obviously don't wanna be like I would rather. You know I don't know, you know they can be a little fragile. I got you.

Speaker 1: 59:38

I got you.

Speaker 2: 59:40

I think it's just more so like what we're talking about, cause we're both pretty open to having conversations, but it's just like when do you do you? Just randomly, just you know.

Speaker 1: 59:56

Okay, I got you, so you're even. You're more of your issue is when to bring it up. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:00:02

And how to bring it up.

Speaker 1: 1:00:04

Okay, like I'm good with the.

Speaker 2: 1:00:06

I love the car games. We really love those. Like, we have a couple of different different games where we can ask each other questions. We don't play it all the time, but I have them, so when we be in those, like everything, we just be talking about everything. And then sometimes, if we're just having random conversation, we randomly be talking about stuff. But then other times it'd be like if I have something on my mind like, do you just, then you just be like so.

Speaker 1: 1:00:40

So what if, since you guys like car games, cause that's me and my husband's thing too, we love games Well, it's more I love games and he go along with me, cause I love games. But what if you could find it like, if you cause I don't know what area you want, you kind of want to delve into, but what if you could find, like a car game that has questions, kind of focus on the area that you kind of want to talk about and that kind of opens the door for you to discuss it a little bit more?

Speaker 2: 1:01:09

Yeah, that's when we're that's when we do that. And I think it's really because, like, if you feel the need to be nitpicky cause I mean, for the most part, if it was bad I think it will be easy to talk about anything all the time, no matter what cause I'm always be critiquing, but because it's usually, you know, really satisfying. It's like the time that you want to act for something or suggest something. That's what I'm talking about, Like when do you? You know, that's when it gets uncomfortable for me to be like ooh, but I'm usually always so, I'm usually complimenting all the time.

Speaker 1: 1:01:48

Got you. Would it be cause you want to? Are you trying to try something new that you guys haven't tried before?

Speaker 2: 1:01:56

for the purposes of this, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:01:58

Yeah, okay, okay, okay. So, baby, something like that I would randomly bring up. I would just, you know, maybe on a night out, but you saying what Like?

Speaker 2: 1:02:09

so next time, are you doing it in a question form, like would you like to do this? Or are you saying like this is what I want? Like how are you approaching that? I think that's what it was with me with the approach Cause I know I can come off a little aggressive. You get what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 1:02:24

Yes, I would be like well, baby, I was listening to or I was watching this and it kind of caught my attention a little bit what you think about us trying this, you know.

Speaker 2: 1:02:39

Okay, you know what that makes sense, cause I've done that before.

Speaker 1: 1:02:41

Yeah, okay, so.

Speaker 2: 1:02:42

I like that yeah okay, okay. I am somebody who usually likes PDA, but I am married to someone who does not necessarily like PDA. So I think that for me I try not to make him feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable, but sometimes it makes me get in my head too much about like cause I like physical touch, like I like those things. And so that takes me into the next part, which is no, I'm not necessarily afraid to talk about my needs, because that was like one of the things I talked to my husband about. You know, even just being like, you know, if you touched me more during the day, it would be a lot better for you at night, you know, type of thing. And then you know, in talking about our sex life, I think that those conversations are always just uncomfortable, like it's just not for me, it's just really no way to get around it, because kind of like Amber saying like it's not necessarily that it's bad, or like you're dissatisfied, it's just that. How can I put this? Like, let me tell you a few things that'll make it better. Oh, come on now. Cause you know your body right. They don't know like they're. Your husband is learning your body, and who's the better teacher than you? So it's like you know, get creative, teach, play doctor, be the teacher, do something you know. Like for me it's, you know, maybe it's role playing, maybe it's that, but sometimes you do have to also have the hard conversations Like you know, that was a little too much in that area. Let's try to do this like this next time. Or you know why do you think we keep coming to this particular place in our sex life and like, let's talk about it, let's be real about it. And I know me and my husband I bet he is so tired of being married to a therapist but we, like I make him have tough conversations, like I do, and I will sit there with him until, you know, sometimes I'm like the light bulb moment goes off for both of us and we're just like, so we really want the same thing. We just have to figure out how to make it work. And that was how I came to the point of realizing that men want to feel desired, because that was something new for me. I just you know, I don't know about y'all, but I dated, you know, before I met my husband. So I never had a man expressed to me needing to be desired Like it was just enough to, you know, desire me, and so coming into marriage, that's deeper, that's another level, and he's like no baby. I need to be desired too. I want to feel wanted too, and what that looked like in the bedroom and out of the bedroom. So we definitely had to have, you know, those conversations because that was something that was just a foreign concept to me, like a man needing that. That is emotion. Yes, that was foreign concept for me too.

Speaker 1: 1:06:15

Ali Shawon. What are you guys thoughts on me?

Speaker 3: 1:06:19

I will say yes to the first question. The second one I'm kind of struggling, like with Ash, with Ash and Amber, like I think I've just recently maybe, because I've only been married two years, so I've just really been recently more comfortable expressing myself and not just oh, like, as long as he's happy, I'm happy, kind of thing, if that makes sense. So I've just been trying to be like you know, I heard about this or like you know, or like maybe next time. It's just one of those things, I don't know. It's just I'm not going to speak in my emotions to begin with. So I think that's like my first struggle and sometimes I have to wait until like nothing's really like triggered anything to be like hey, like let's talk about this, or like hey, like what do you think about this? Like I remember one time I was asking him like you know, like how like our sex life was, and he was like you know, sometimes I just feel like you're really not into it and I'm like you know what. I'm not because I'm tired, like Ash was saying, like I'm tired and I told you to leave me alone and you just kept pushing. So and I don't know, it's just like being like more intentional too, because like I can do better too, I can, you know, not just look so annoyed all the time. And, you know, put in the effort, got you.

Speaker 1: 1:07:40

Allie, what about you?

Speaker 2: 1:07:42

So I had to change location of y'all because my daughter decided to come downstairs, so the incident's when I had to come upstairs.

Speaker 3: 1:07:51

So for the first one I can say yes.

Speaker 2: 1:07:55

Initially it was. It was a no just because of some childhood sexual trauma situation, so and so. So that would tie into the second part of the question as well.

Speaker 3: 1:08:08

But on this second part, this is kind of finally recently, couple of months ago actually I bought a toy.

Speaker 2: 1:08:15

It was on clearance. They want more, something like we've never tried a toy, so it's on clearance.

Speaker 3: 1:08:19

It just bought all those while I'm not, so I brought it in to kind of like introduce it, and he was like initially he was like basically, like so what you trying to say?

Speaker 2: 1:08:30

You know, I'm not doing it for you, and so I'm like no, I'm not saying that, I'm just saying you know, you know this is just something we could try. And so now here we are, like months later, and when we are in that moment, he was like you want to get you go, get you Go, go, go now.

Speaker 3: 1:08:53

I had him a good old time yeah. So I just found it. I had to share that.

Speaker 2: 1:09:01

That's why I had to come upstairs Because like, initially he was like what's he trying to say, I'm not doing it for you, but now he like go get you, so Woo. And then why do they feel like that? Like why do they feel like bringing something in and saying you're not enough? It's not saying you're not enough. It's just saying let's take this up a notch, Like you know. Let's just take it up, baby, we can go to another level. Because, I'd love to leave by example.

Speaker 1: 1:09:33

Yeah, but from their perspective again. I am not a man, I wouldn't dare try to speak for no man. But from their perspective, if we're trying to bring something in, you know, it's like if I'm already struggling with, I feel like you're not desiring me or I don't feel like I'm wanted, or I may have some of my own insecurities already, and here you go bringing something else into the bedroom. Am I not enough for you? You know, am I not doing it for you? Am I not pleasing you? So I get it, you know, but I'm with you. It just enhances our safe life. But I mean, I get it, I get it.

Speaker 2: 1:10:18

And that goes back to kind of having those hard conversations because it's, like you know, kind of acting them like where did that come from? You know, and this is I'm not telling nobody to do this, but I've even had to ask my husband about past experiences, like have you just never had anyone to talk to you about certain things or really tell you about the female anatomy, like what? Like I just really didn't understand certain things because and this one is real deep, but this is like I was explaining to my husband something about the female anatomy, as to how, when women are comfortable and ready you know what I'm saying For that time, that area, because I know men especially always talk about the tightness of something and it's like, do you realize, like that relaxes, like that muscle relaxes as a woman when you are comfortable and ready, because it is ready to receive. So it's like when me and my husband were talking about this and he was like, well, what was up this particular night? And I was like I was there, sir, like it was, and I started like Googling stuff and letting him know like I don't know who lied to you. But tightness is not always right. You know what I mean. That means I'm tense, that muscle is tense. I'm not ready, but when you're ready, you know things. Be ready and ready to receive, if y'all feeling what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 1:12:06

Yes, yes, ma'am, you know I didn't even really.

Speaker 2: 1:12:09

And it's funny that you say that you happen to explain the female anatomy, because I'm a female myself and I'd be still learning stuff about me Exactly, not alone. It wasn't until recently that I actually put those two together like that. It really just clicked for me what you're talking about right now, because we OK, so this is random, but I was in the hospital and I had to get my service checked right to see if I had dilated any, and my husband was in there with me at the time, because you know, this week obviously this was special circumstance. So he was in there and he saw that I was kind of like tensing up, that I really would, you know, you know, when you were in there getting pap smears and stuff like that you don't really be, you ain't receiving, you know, you don't really, you know. So this was happening. He asked me afterwards like what's the difference between what they're doing and, you know, sexual intercourse? Because it's the same place. And so I asked the nurse, because I had to think about it too, like I don't really know. And when she told me she was like well, because you're not, it's really unwanted you know, it's not the same as like when it's warmed up, and you you know. So I don't, I mean just when you think about it. In those two aspects I'm like you know what. That's very true, because I'm telling you, I do not like it when I have to get my service checked. I do not like it when I have to get pap smears, like it don't feel the same. It's not the same. It's not the same. It's not the same, but you don't realize the reason. Why is because it's abrupt. It's just happening like right there and there, like you're not getting warmed up. Ain't nobody trying to, you know anybody saying sweet nothings in your ear. Yeah, it's just happening right there and there. So you know, when you put that same situation of needing to have that warm up, needing to, you know, be pleased in that way in order for it to actually glide like you want it to. Yeah, it's the same thing I thought I'd share because it was crazy. This just happened to me recently and I felt like a kid.

Speaker 1: 1:14:22

It makes so much sense too. So, ash, it's not just your husband for the men who may be listening to this later and it's a lot of women too who don't know a lot of the things about our own bodies. That's why we need to be looking at our own bodies, exploring our own bodies. It's a lot of women who've never even looked at their own vulva, vagina cloutures. You don't even know what your own body looked like. But that's a whole other. That's a whole other let's Talk podcast episode. But it's a lot of men who were not especially black men, men of color, who were never even taught about sex period, so let alone no being taught about female anatomy in our bodies. They weren't even taught about what sex was. So, yeah, we have to have these conversations. That's why emotional intimacy was on this list of how to keep things exciting in our relationships, because we got to be able to talk. We got to be able to have these uncomfortable conversations with one another and talking about those fears that we have, those insecurities, the things that play in our mind and our thoughts, and the things that make us excited, the things that please us, what we enjoy about our sex lives, and all these conversations that we want to have but we're afraid to have. We're afraid of the reaction, we're afraid to make you uncomfortable. Whatever, whatever our reasons are, if we want to keep our relationships in our marriage exciting, don't get stuck in these roots where we're not enjoying one another, we're not growing, we're not having fun, we don't even like the person that we're with that we're laying next to every night. You know we don't want to get there and if you are already there you're listening to this and you're already there you don't want to stay there. You can come up out of it. These are some points for you. These are some points for all of us how we can keep things exciting in our relationships. I hope you guys have enjoyed follow me on Facebook at demo with Moe. If you have any questions you would like answered here live on my podcast, email them to me. At demo with Moe at gmailcom. That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O at gmailcom.